I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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