your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
