My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
