Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
