Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
