Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
