I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize