We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
