so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
