From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
