Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I didn't notice because vodka
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
