Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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