Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
