Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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