Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
