it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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