Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize