he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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