you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
