dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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