um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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