So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
