I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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