Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
