If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
