i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
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Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The power of my boobs compel you
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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