You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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