She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
