I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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