he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
