So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
