Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Apparently you make a good broom.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
