you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
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It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
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How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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