Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
