Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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