pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
