we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
