Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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