I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
