Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
