from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Your cock deserves a montage
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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