You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
