Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
