I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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