well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
