things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize