I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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