All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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