I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
