i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
