i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
