Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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