you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
