if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
