Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
