He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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