dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
