Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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