Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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