No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize