He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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