Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
