im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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