yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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