Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
