so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize