This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
