I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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